law school.
08 Feb 2012 1 Comment
Every new semester, I wonder how I ever got through the last.
It’s so easy to get snowed under by all the readings and all the cases – loosen up for one weekend and you have dropped the ball. And it’s so impossible to do the tutorials without having done the readings. And these days, unfortunately, the textbook may as well be a roll of toilet paper – everything you need to know is somewhere else. And I don’t know why nobody has thought to compile everything important in a casebook yet. And between manually sourcing out the material and actually getting down to reading them, I think if you want to stay on top of your work, you’ll have to spend all your free time working.
…And, well, whatever.
I keep telling myself that these are the best days of our lives and are too precious to waste on school.
top chef!
05 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
Those of you who follow me on twitter will know that I am currently completely hooked on Top Chef. Like, I’ve watched all the available episodes from the current season already and I just need to know what happens next. And if I cannot, then the next best thing I can settle for is a season of Top Chef Masters. Except that Top Chef Masters isn’t half as exciting (so far anyway) because nothing goes wrong. And everybody’s too reverent of each other and too professional and too…civilized. Everybody knows that the essence of a successful reality TV show is when contestants are driven to pure barbarism.
I have learned two things of myself from glutting out on Top Chef episodes – the first is that I am absolutely a victim of confirmation bias. But I am also a pretty happy victim. I get some sort of weird satisfaction picking out big cliches and stereotypes. Like, one episode, this Asian guy got cut and blood was spurting out all over the place but he was all like “I’ll be freaking damned if I let a mere flesh wound stop me from cookin’!” and he pulled a plastic glove over his hand and continued cooking! But of course, the medic wouldn’t let him go unattended – so Asian guy just stuck out his cut hand for tending to and didn’t stop cooking with the arm that was alright! “He can cut off my torso and I will continue cooking with my feet if I have to!” That’s the spirit, Asian guy! I totally felt a “Cooking Level: Asian” meme treatment was in order but of course, 9gaggers watch How I Met Your Mother (totally overrated) exclusively.
The second is that I will never stop secretly kicking myself for being a snob about taking food pictures. I mean, sorry, but I really just think it’s kind of cheesy when a whole table of Asians start snapping away at their food at the same time. But obviously, I understand where this is coming from – since I just said there are moments I regret not being more fastidious about preserving nice memories! What will I have left of all the amazing flavours I’ve ever had the good fortune to taste? The Burrata-stuffed Squash Blossoms at Pizzeria Mozza, the Kumamoto Oyster Corn Soup at Sho Shaun Hergatt, the Baby Octopus and Bone Marrow Fusilli at Marea, Crack Pie from Momofuku Milk Bar, the Sharks Fin and Birds Nest Soup at Tong Le Private Dining (eurgh, ‘bit guilty for loving this one)…NOTHING, OMG!
Anyway, stray observation that will interest nobody who isn’t similarly interested in cooking shows – I really do hate it when an Asian contestant goes on a cooking competition and wins everything cooking Asian food. I just can’t help but feel skeptical that a Western judge would be able to judge Asian food properly on its merits. Maybe any slightly-better-than-average fare will do just because a Western tongue isn’t typically used to good Asian food and if all you’ve ever had is too-greasy, too-sweet Chinese food then of course a half-decent kimchi is going to seem like the pinnacle of Asian cuisine.
And Asian contestants always seem to have a go-to sauce that goes with basically every protein and it feels like such a cop-out. Because, you’re just doing that one curry or that one marinade or else you’re throwing some amazing kimchi into every dish and everything is going to taste great because you do that one thing really, really well. Such a buzzkill.
school.
27 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Except for the fact that I will probably fail my Bioethics and the Law Research Paper, it turns out I actually did quite alright for my exams in Georgetown! More than “quite alright”, in fact – I think I’d be gunning for the dean’s list this year again if I hadn’t done the semester abroad so that the grades do not count. But when I told my mom, she was quite far from happy – all because I started with the bad news about probably failing my research paper.
Sheesh, adults. Why are they always focusing on all the wrong things?! Bright-side thinking, RIP.
Whatever, I won’t let her (and the fact that I’ll probably have to do 8 more credits next semester to make up for the fact that I bombed the shit out of my research paper) rain on my parade! Bioethics and the Law is one of those fluffy subjects that don’t really count anyway. Am I going to be a policy-maker in the field of bioethics when I grow up? Yeah, didn’t think so. And you might ask why in God’s good name, did I choose to subject myself to writing a full research paper when writing legal essays has always been the bane of life in law school. And to that I say…uhhh…I thought exchange was a good opportunity to break out of my comfort zone and challenge myself??? Plus, the grades don’t count towards my degree so it was a chance to hone my essay-writing skills at little cost???
…Yes, Life has proven that whenever I get cheesy ideas like that in my head, I make some of the worst mistakes ever. Like, why did I choose to go to Dunman High School (the premier school in Singapore for mainland Chinese and mainland Chinese wannabes) even though I rarely even speak a work of Chinese outside of 口试？ Because I thought, for a change, I’d get in touch with my heritage and that it was time I properly embraced my mother tongue. AND HOW DID THAT TURN OUT?! Two years of being an outcast in a strange land where people spoke Chinese as their primary language and raved about the foreign phenomenon that was Mandopop. But then again, perhaps “outcast” is too strong a word, I did make friends with the five other people in school who spoke English more than occasionally.
Okay, I am going to work on my Family Law tutorial because my Family Law and Evidence exams are on two consecutive days this semester and the plan is to study consistently and in advance so that I won’t panic and die when the exams come round. (But then again, consistent work has always been the plan. And we all know how successfully I’ve put that in execution all these semesters…) Anyway, 再见！
the highlights II.
15 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
…Well. That took me long enough.
In between my last post and now I have been busy with…well, nothing much. I think I’ve been trying to spring clean my room but I look around me after one week and it seems that all I’ve really succeeded in doing is shifting one mess about from one place to another. Progress is…non-existent. Every few minutes, I have to take a break because I get so demoralized I just feel like throwing up my arms and weeping. Because obviously, I’m quite a melodramatic person.
Oh, I’ve also been struck by a severe case of gastritis that sent me to the hospital emergency room for the first time in my life! Wasn’t a good experience…(ha, captain obvious, like that’s not true of most visits to the ER)…I remember there being not a single place to sit comfortably in wait for the doctor. I’m not sure how expensive it is to put in chairs that don’t feel like they are made of lead and with ZERO give for any kind of reclining but CGH should definitely spring for a better waiting area when they get their next budget. I mean, does it make sense for a sick person doubling over in pain to sit ramrod straight while waiting…by the way, I’m not sure what the official definition of “Emergency” is but it feels like their stretching it somewhat…thirty minutes to THREE HOURS for the doctor???
Anywaaay. Here’s what happened for the rest of my exchange!
***
Washington, DC:
* Finally toured DC proper after two months or so of arriving and living in it when Hong Chew and Ivan visited from New York; and Jeremy visited from Boston; and Asik visited from Atlanta! That made me really pleased indeed, especially because I was suffering from a bit of depression at that point from a certain…housing situation.
*And by this, I did not mean the Great Aphid Infestation of 2011 that was my neighbour’s welcome gift to me. Anyway, these sap-sucking insects came peaceably enough and at first, there were just one or two wandering innocently about my room. A small part of me still believes that if I had just let these curious critters roam about, we would’ve been fine – Man and nature coexisting side by side in harmony. But Sean was all – NO, YOU HAVE TO EXTERMINATE THEM before they eat you in your sleep! And I believe that’s what triggered their wrath… So this was the first batch I annihilated.
…and suddenly, there were fifty.
A lesser person might have been felled and a lesser girl might have squealed her way out of the room, but not I! I was calming picking them up from all over the room, like the worst thing that ever happened to them in their tiny lives, and flushing them down the toilet by the dozen. Because they have a surprisingly hardy exoskeleton (???) (look at me, pretending to be a scientist!) and are therefore hard to squash and also because they secrete an icky blue liquid upon being pulverised. Death by toilet was a much more…efficient and sanitary option. (After a bit of googling, I also discovered that lady birds eat aphids and so unleashing a lady bird colony would’ve been another alternative but I asked myself if I’d want to replace an aphid infestation problem with a lady bird infestation problem and I think I came down on “no“.)
But anyway, death by drowning for these aphids was also a lot more cruel. The humble little aphid is a fighter and when put in water, doesn’t die instantaneously…or even after minutes…but will paddle frantically until somehow, it’s the right way up and then paddle some more until it can break through the surface and eventually crawl out of the pool of toilet bowl water. Watching these insects struggle and knowing they don’t have a chance is a sad situation. It’s like what God must feel like right before he pushes the button for Tsunamis and killer hurricanes and watched everybody squirm – I don’t think it’s a particularly enjoyable situation. I stood for awhile contemplating the short lives of these creatures and drew lessons from their struggle and their resilience…
No, of course not. I hate fables. But I genuinely did mourn a bit for them. If I’d only had the insect screen in my window installed properly, they would’ve survived to pester the tree outside some more. I felt a kind of relief that I don’t take any sort of joy in killing even the smaller and more insignificant of animals.
* Anyway, I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good tour guide because at that point, I hadn’t really familiarised myself with DC. And so we didn’t always take the most efficient routes around the city… =\ but we did manage to cover all the major sights! (I think) And also, the weather was kind and we were blessed with a very dramatic backdrop for the capitol. I like it when the weather lets you get an unconventional shot of what would otherwise be a very cliched…touristy…picture.
***
To be continued.
the highlights.
05 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
New York in the Summer:
* Got my first taste of a Michelin-starred restaurant during NYC’s Restaurant Week with Ivan and Hong Chew. Ordered the most amazing Kumamoto oyster and corn soup – an unusual pairing bursting with exquisite flavour. Hong Chew, who usually doesn’t like oysters (and a whole bunch of innocuous things like…spring onions, hahaha) became a convert after the dish. He also had a not-so-tiny crush on the waitress (who was rather hot). Oh, and they made us wait twenty minutes for a table so we got free champers as an apology. Sometimes, you gotta love bad service. It’s like when Macdonald’s was offering free apple pies for slow service at the counters. Except. Free apple pies are not quite the same as champagne.
* Got to see Central Park in all its full glory; even rented a boat for half an hour! Remember singing “row, row, row your boat~!” and annoying all the guys (especially Jeremy who was doing most of the paddling while I did most of the sitting about and doing nothing) – at first they were all like “Cheryl, shut up, or we’ll push you off the boat” but then of course they later chimed in! “…merrily, merrily, merrily, life is like a dream~!” Yes, what is life without a bit of song! Also, we were the only boat going backwards because Jeremy the dragon-boater wasn’t used to sculling (sp?).
And then we bought five minutes worth of jokes from a man with no proper job and no sense of humour. (“What do you call a toothless bear? A: A gummy bear!”; “Why did the Asian Man walk into a bar without chopsticks? A: To pick girls up!”) Was totally ripped off, in other words. But I found the whole fiasco very amusing so I still thought it was a quarter well spent.
Cape Cod:
* Finally went whale-watching after my plans to do it in Melbourne were thwarted by relatives who insisted it was a waste of money! Now, I wouldn’t say waste of money (because nothing is worse than a couple of moms saying “I told you so~!”) – but it was a rather pricey boat ride to see the sunset. Hahaha, we DID catch one or two whales several times, but they don’t somersault or do backflips in the air so much as…wave their tail about so you watch their tail slapping about the water for a few minutes. I must say there was a bit of false advertising at the whale-watching place. But it was good fun out on a boat with the friends and we’d smuggled more than a few bottles of beer onto the vessel because we are alcoholic wastrels.
Under the pretext of “living fully in the moment”, I decided to be a lazy ass and not make any effort to get a good shot of the whale. As a result, this is the only proof that I actually saw one. (Yes, I know you have to squint to see it. And even then, it could be anything). And for all that “let’s just enjoy the moment and not have to fiddle about with cameras” schtick, no, the image of a whale is not burned into my sieve of a brain. I have to refer to Ivan’s pictures to refresh my memory. (See, that’s why they invented photography).
* Learned quickly that Cape Cod is for retired people with too much money (the average income is about $50,000 per household or something) and very flamboyant gay people. We saw lots of sex shops, leather props and people strutting about in bondage…things. I really wonder how they coexist.
Texas:
* Had the most orgasmic steak and scallop at an atas restaurant in Texas. Orgasmic and I don’t use that word lightly since associated food with sex just seems so…unsanitary. Ahem. So anyway, it was the BEST piece of meat I’d ever had. Sometimes I wish I weren’t so snotty about being an Asian and taking a billion pictures of my food because sometimes I think, what the heck is wrong with trying to capture a heavenly piece of steak worth remembering? Unfortunately, I am and have always been snotty about food-photography – so there you go, serves me right now. Had the best time catching up with Asik. I swear, it’s like we’ve been friends for agesss even though we really just got to know each other in May 2011 or something.
* CAUGHT TAYLOR SWIFT ON A TOTAL WHIM! After our plans to do to a dude ranch fell through (hahaha and here I recall that ridiculous fortune cookie I got from my favorite Chinese restaurant: “Man makes plans. Fate makes plans successful”) we decided to go catch Taylor Swift’s Speak Now concert because we’d heard it being advertised on radio and she was playing at the Cowboy stadium and we (Eugene) had wanted to see the stadium anyway because it had some…sporting significance (which obviously, I do not know about since I am too fat to care about sports). And so we did! AND HAD THE BEST NIGHT IN TEXAS EVERRR!!! Oh gosh, I don’t want to have to gush about it all over again but it was magical, enchanting and sparks flew etc etc. Oh my gosh, I just did!!!
Does it annoy me a little bit that she looks perpetually confused/bewildered/surprised at where she is? Yes. I mean, girl, you organized your own concert and you did the publicity and surely it had to take you some effort to dress up and go on stage. Why do you always look like someone randomly zapped you in front of a crowd and you don’t really know what’s going on??! But STILL, wonderful performance that was not a waste of money at all even though I already caught her Speak Now concert in Singapore already. While she’s equally tone-deaf doing Enchanted, the setlist and the props and her costumes were all totally different!
* Became a total roller-coaster junkie at the Six Flags theme park. Don’t ask me how that happened. In March 2011, I was still threatening to just sit on floor and not budge if anybody tried to make me do the Battlestar Galactica at USS. I was all like, “you’re going to have to physically drag me and buckle me into the roller coaster…and that is not fun. Just let me hold your bags so you skip the locker queue and I will be there to take pictures when you come out all pukey”. But then I went on:
A roller coaster that vertically propels you 24 stories up at the speed of 110km/h and then lets you plummet backwards down the entire course in reverse;
A suspended roller coaster than turns you upside down and everything (though this was milder than the BSG);
And the wooden coaster with the steepest drop of any wooden coaster in the world!!! (It also won the Golden Ticket Award for best new ride of 2011!!!)
(to be continued…)
homeward bound.
04 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
At the end of the day, every exchange student looks back on their experience and feel the same feelings of fondness and wistfulness and nostalgia, I suppose. This, mingled with the anticipation of seeing old friends and familiar faces – and perhaps, the excitement of starting a new semester at school. And I don’t want to have to contribue to the trite sea of cliches but there you go – I feel it.
I feel the mawkish sentimentality about the past four months. Nobody warned me about the mass exodus from DC in mid-December, when the exams ended. And I hadn’t a clue about it, because I was one of the very first to leave. But I walk the same streets now and they are completely void of human life. (Except for the few suspicious men in hoodies randomly propositioning female passers-by and/or asking for quarters or food, that is.) This shell of a city, therefore, lends itself very easily to the depressive awareness that a very glorious four months of exploring the nation’s capital and socializing and general busying about has now come and gone.
Wandering around the deserted school grounds, the hip neighborhood of Dupont Circle and friendly Silver Spring (where I have lived so happily for months), I feel the absence of the funny and smart and gracious friends who have all made my memories of this exchange that much sweeter and fonder. No more looking forward to lunches at our favorite Mexican fast food chain, Chipotle; no more grocery-shopping at the nearby Giant; no more discussing or complaining about International Law class in the hallways of Georgetown. (I didn’t think I’d grow to miss the people. Because I am so socially inept. I knew I’m miss the place, the routine…the weather. But I didn’t think I’d miss the people. Walking around the city, I know they are the ones I miss the most.)
…It’s all very tragic and lonely.
Which is why I feel that much more thrilled to be going home in just one day! I can feel life beckoning at me from Singapore. My room has been cleaned, my e-mail is alive with correspondence from firms about training contracts, my school timetable is out, plans have been made to go out to dinners and suppers at the hawker centers I miss… I just cannot wait!!!
But to have memories worth clinging on to and a future worth looking forward to is, I think, the most marvelous thing in the world. And we are the lucky ones.
hiking in the Shenandoah mountains.
16 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Hello from Iceland; or should I say “Hæ”!
Have a whole backlog of things to blog about, now that I am finally done with the exams! And it’s all the more difficult trying to get everything down because I am Making New Memories everyday! 
I guess I’ll start with November, which is when I went hiking with R and G (my friends from Ireland and Israel respectively) in the Shenandoah Mountains in Virginia. Hiking, an activity you’d never think I’d end up doing. Especially when it involved a strenuous and treacherous 10km walk up and down slopes in the thick of an utterly abandoned forest, slippery with autumn leaves. We all agreed that it would be a fantastic place to hide a corpse. Not that we’d ever have to. Hopefully.
[Look at me with my insensible boots - clearly, I was a bit out of my couch potato/mall rat comfort zone but what is life without the occasional challenge! hahaha]
And yet I got through it – All 10 kilometres of it! Just to see a tiny trickle of a waterfall which I proclaimed the best waterfall I’d ever seen, even though I’d just come back from the Niagara Falls one or two weeks before, just because I worked so hard to get there!
Actually, it’s funny how we wound up doing that hiking trail. I think none of us had really planned for it. In fact, R had this whole elaborate itinerary lined up because in her mind, we’d only be “hiking” a token 2 kilometers or something. We were supposed to hike, have lunch and then go to either the limestone caves or the outlet mall nearby to finish up the rest of the day. That, in hindsight, was laughably optimistic. We finished our 10km hike in about four hours, just in time to drive out for dinner. The only “lunch” we had was a roll of candy G brought along from Halloween.
The reason why we did that trail, even though we’d set out for a leisurely stroll rather than anything intense, was because none of us come from insensible countries that believe in the nonsense that is the “imperial system of measurement”. So when we asked how long it would take to get to the most impressive waterfall (which yes, was that little trickle of water dripping down from between the rocks) and were told 6miles, it didn’t register in our heads just how far that was. We tried doing the math a bit, but since lawyers tend not to be mathematicians, we gave up halfway. And, anyway, R said “oh, it’s better that we don’t know anyway!” Hahaha, turned out to be one of those “famous last words” moments that’ll go down in history. (My history anyway, because my life is that undramatic.)
Right after the hike though, as we were climbing back uphill to the car park…backwards (because someone once told me going uphill backwards is easier on the knees) it occurred to me that I’ve always known from Top Gear that 60mph is something like 100km/h so I could have very easily derived 10km from converting “6miles” but what is my life, if not a series of overdue “Hallelujah/Eureka” moments. Anyway, I ended up having just the time of my life talking and laughing the whole way through about a gazillion things so I can’t say I have any regrets there!
PLUS, WE SAW BEARS IN THE WILD! A WHOLE FAMILY OF LITTLE BEAR CUBS!
Super exciting for all of us – but especially so for a city girl living in a tiny island with no room for nature; and levels of heat and humidity not conducive for the survival of any living species, to be honest. (Oh god, I dread going back to the Singapore weather so much – and I say this even as I shiver in sub-zero temperatures even after putting on a too-tedious combination of clothes.) By the end of the day, the girls came away with the conclusion that Singapore has no space for animals and vegetation. Honesty is not the best ambassador for a country, it seems.
Okay, more later! It’s quite a pain in the ass trying to upload pictures with a sluggish internet connection that crawls under the weight of so many MBs. Bye!
boiling water.
01 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Okay, here’s something completely unrelated to exchange or to anything going on in my life at the moment. I’ve just remembered one of my more disastrous science projects in IP and am laughing to and at myself – I don’t know why I bothered going to school, really. Basically, our physics teacher had asked us to film an educational video about some cool scientific physic-al(???) phenomenon (a cool scientific phenomenon pertaining to physics).
And somehow, my group decided to go with boiling water in a paper cup – which is supposed to be cool and impressive because come on… you put paper on an open flame and it doesn’t burn! (until the water’s completely evaporated) And I guess, that is a really cool scientific phenomenon – especially magical for the unscientific mind (that I am).
But we weren’t really thinking how it’d translate on film – because for however long the water took to boil, the class was just watching in awkward and polite silence…water…boiling. Literally, nothing was happening except that bubbles were rising to the surface… as they do in the normal course of water boiling. And as fascinating as the boiling process is, I bet the whole class was just screaming inside for the video to just…stop.
In retrospect, I guess I could’ve added some catchy jingle in the background to enliven our observation of how water heats up. Or I could’ve edited the damn video to fast forward to the end of the boiling and the start of the burning. But my guess is that, being the lazy sod that I was (actually, that I still am), I just couldn’t give a rat’s ass.
HAHAHA oh well, that story of forcing my class to watch a whole video clip of water boiling is way funnier than if the video had been more successful I guess. And at least I wasn’t the one giving the even more boring-ass explanation of how the paper cup was holding up against the flame because of…blah blah blah, something about physics.
OCD.
12 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
So I nagged at the boys for the first time ever today to please wash their dishes and utensils as soon as they are done with them. And okay, it wasn’t so much nag as “gently suggest”. I just thought they needed a gentle reminder that dirty dishes don’t just magically disappear. I mean, they’ve been disappearing from the sink alright – but only because almost every night (except Monday when I come home from school at 11pm – and sometimes even then), I have been generously doing the dishes. And I don’t do it because I find household chores therapeutic. I’m not the most enthusiastic housekeeper.
That’s not a terribly unreasonable request, right? As far as my obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive dysfunction goes anyway. I could be asking them to straighten all the furniture in the house so that the edges of the tables and the chairs are all neatly aligned with the lines between the floor tiles. But, no.
…I do that myself.
ridiculous American tv.
10 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
This is a reminder to myself to never, for the sake of my sanity and general well-being, take another module with a research paper component. Those of you who follow my tweets will already know that I’ve basically spent the past week or so agonizing my mammoth 25-page report on bioethics and the law…and that I’ve been doing it all wrong. While my more intellectual peers do things… like drive five hours to a different state just to interview the relevant experts in the law (IKR, WTF?!), I have been miserably stretching my limited ability to say simple things in as long-winded a way as possible just to crawl toward the minimum quota of 6000 words. Yes, I am aware that this is not how proper academics do things. But screw the academia. I have finally reached 6200 words and I’ve absolutely had my fill of research-paper writing – not for the semester or for the year but for the rest of my frigging life.
So instead, I am going to watch some ridiculous American TV and…not give a fuck about my paper. (Just please let it be enough for me to scrape by with a pass…) But speaking of ridiculous American TV, this is just some of the ridiculous things I’ve seen so far.
[1] Episode of Plain Jane
So Plain Jane is a makeover TV shows and its aim is to take Plain Janes (duh) and transform them into “playful” and attractive flirt-machines, at which point the “formerly plain Jane will surprise her secret crush and reveal her true feelings to him”. And this is all done through a head-to-toe style transformation…and confidence-building exercises” – and that sounds innocuous enough but this is what actually happens (in the episode I was watching anyway). First, the hostess interviews the Plain Jane to figure out why exactly she hasn’t been able to get the man of her dreams. And then the hostess might conclude something like “You need to get over your fears”. Which sounds reasonable enough…Until the hostess decides that the best way to do this is to shove you into a bee farm because the greatest phobia you have in your life is the phobia of bees and once you properly suppress your survival instincts, you will be able to risk total humiliation and confess to your secret crush.
And I had never seen anything more stupid.
Until phase two of the transformation – when the hostess decided that the other part of the Plain Jane of the Week’s problem was that she was always playing the wingman and having her friends steal her limelight. So, problem: Too unassertive at social gatherings. Solution? Plant her in the middle of a social gathering where she knows nobody; have a seasoned slut follow her around the entire time, competing with her for people’s attention and…(truly, I kid you not) zap her with mini-electric-shocks every time she doesn’t come on strongly enough. And…honestly, that is just what they did. They planted some sort of electric device on her body and the whole time, it was like “ZAP!”, “ZAP!”, “ZAP!” because obviously she wasn’t going to out-whore the whore they planted?! My heart truly went out to the girl, man. First, the bees and then… the freaking electric shocks. I wonder why there wasn’t a law suit and what sort of liability waiver she must have signed to be on the show. The damned contract must have gone on for three thousand pages.
[2] Kim Kardashian
OMG! Why is everybody so obsessed with the Kardashians?! So I’ve been in America for about 3 months now – and every time I go into supermarket, every gossip rag there is on the market has some story about the Kardashians. You might just be hearing about her divorce in Singapore now but I’ve seen this coming for months now, because every week, there has been a new story about a new different way Kim hates Kris or something. Finally, I got to ask some Americans why the Kardashians are so famous. And this is what they said: “Oh, they are famous for being famous!” And I said, “No, seriously. What have they done?” And this what they replied “Nothing! The reality TV show!”
…America, that is not a satisfactory answer. You can’t have famous people who are famous because they are famous. That doesn’t make sense. That…defies logics and semantics and a whole other bunch of laws of the universe. It is totally unhealthy and perverse. You must stop this obsession with…nothing. (And also, adopt the metric system because the imperial system never has and never will make any sense.)
Also, I watched one episode of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and I have concluded that it will bring your country to (greater) ruin. In this episode, the whole nation finds out that Mummy Kardashian has a problem with urinary incontinence. And they find out because she is all like “Privacy? Who art thou, foul beast?!” and “Here is a video montage of me peeing inappropriately in several public places…on camera.”
And her caring children then devise this not-malicious-at-all plan to force their mother to confront her old-people issues.
Their plan is to literally trap her in a dinner booth (you know, one of those corner tables where if you sit in the middle, you can’t go out unless everybody scooches and lets you out) and refuse to budge when she needs to go pee so that she is forced to urinate in a public F&B establishment.
And she really does this. Again, on national TV.
Appalling, I know. The inner Asian in me was clucking with disappointment, ha ha. I don’t know what would happen if a bunch of Asian children did that to their mother. I think they would be scalped. But this is also a place where, if a Supreme Court judge interrupts your submissions to ask you a question, you interrupt him back and carry on talking. So I guess, anything goes.
